Am I Just Selfish?

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There’s something that’s been on my mind and I wanted to toss it out to you guys for some feedback. I think most of you know that I live in Los Angeles. However, I’m not from here. I’m from Detroit and that means I’m a LONG way from home and my family. As an only child who is super close to my mom, you’d think I’d have problem with being so far away from home. Somehow it works out. Or at least it has. People told me that things would change when I had a child. They told me that I’d want to be closer to my family. In some ways, everyone was right!

Now that I have a little family, I so want to be near my parents. The thing is, I want them to move here. I know, I’ve got some nerve! Sometimes, I feel totally selfish for moving away from them. The older I get, I really want that time with them. I want my son and baby-to-be to get to know them better than seeing them on webcam and a few visits a year.

Every now and then I wonder if I’m being selfish for living so far away. The thing that helps me is my mom. She’s always said that I need to live my life and do what makes me happy. She’s always been a supporter of me going wherever my heart or dreams take me. Her stance is that she moved away from her family and landed in Michigan and so she’d never wanted to stop me from making my own way even if it means I’m way out here. I love her for that! Still, I can’t help but wonder (in my Carrie Bradshaw voice) am I being selfish? Should I live closer to my family?

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21 Responses to Am I Just Selfish?
  1. Denise
    February 28, 2012 | 7:58 am

    Nope! We all have to be a little selfish and do what makes us happy. I actually think it’s sweet you want her to move close to you. Lots of people don’t get a long with their parents and want to live far away from them, so that’s a blessing you all have a great relationship 🙂

  2. Natalie
    February 28, 2012 | 11:36 am

    No you shouldn’t feel bad. I actually have a friend here and her mom lives in LA, and after her mom retires next year she’s moving here to be closer to my friend and her son. So the question is—is your mom moving to LA?

  3. kita
    February 28, 2012 | 12:00 pm

    I don’t think so as a parent I would want my kids to live closer to me because they will always be my baby but they must live their own life just like I have been allowed to live my life. I know I could never move so far away from home so I had to stay within 6 hours from my mom

  4. Tom Brodie
    February 28, 2012 | 12:22 pm

    No Cam, I dont think that you are being selfish. As your said your got to do what makes you happy. It does not mean that you love you mom any less. However paying her a visit every and give her the opportunity to seen you as well as to yo know her gandson.

  5. Kristin
    February 28, 2012 | 1:15 pm

    I think you have to live where you’re going to be happy…You’ll be a better wife, mother, daughter because of it!

  6. Rose's Daughter
    February 28, 2012 | 1:21 pm

    I’m facing this problem right now. I live 2 1/5 hours from my parents. Just right. But the hubby wants to move. I wouldn’t mind moving at all except, I don’t want to be that far away from my parents. Especially my Mom. We are super super super close. And I like that if something goes wrong, I can be there in two hours. BUT! I really really want to try somewhere new. Like the west coast, but I feel selfish for taking away their grandson and me and moving so far away. Our visits would be much less frequent. So I understand!!!

  7. Wanda
    February 28, 2012 | 1:50 pm

    I love your blog and always look forward to reading what you write about. Well “Grandparents” this is a subject that I have alot to say about. You and your Mom will have to pray….pray and work it out. What ever works for both of you. My thoughts are that Grandparents want to maintain a strong emotion bound with their grandchildren no matter what. They want play dates, dinner,babysit and spend holidays with them. Grandparents do miss out on a lot when they live so far away. You and your Mom are close and that is such a blessing. If your Mom can and does agree to move will she transfer or look for another job in LA and what are the prospects? Also she would be giving up her family, church and friends that live close to her. I remember when I became a mother and it also changed my thinking no more just me. My parents and grandparents lived 2-4 hours away from me. I spent holidays on the road driving to my grandmothers or flying to my mothers in Chicago. So that my daughter/niece would have a GREAT relationship with her grandparents. I remember when I got custody of my niece and becoming a mother. A few of my friends said I was “selfish.” They were surprised that I was going to talk on that responsibility. Well one of them supported my decision and one didnt. Well when I was single I was a selfish person people thought because I only had to make decisions for myself. I believe being a Mother is the hardest job in the world and if a Mother is going to do it right. When I became a Mother I did what was best for the child first. Being a single Mother I didn’t even get married because I didn’t want her to have to deal with a stepfather. Also in your case you are a wife also. I know your husband comes first then the children and you. But don’t forget to make time for yourself. If your Mom can and wants to move to LA she can have a closer relationship with her grandchildren and have them for the weekends and babysit. But if you move closer to her they will still have a closer relationship and you are a lot younger than your mother. Sometimes moves for people over 50 are harder. I know it would be three people moving instead of one. Your husband and you would have to find another job. Even if you didn’t want to move to MI you could do NC or south. If you move closer to your Mother and there was an emergency you and your Mother could get to each within one day of driving. Now that I am grandmother and my grandchildren live a hour away and we spent the weekends together once a month and I am a babysitter on demand if they need me and my grandson is sick and can’t go to school or daycare. Also, we spend holidays together and I am so glad we live close together. I don’t even travel like I use to because my money and extra time is spent with my grandchildren. I think grandchildren are God’s way of compensations me for growing old. 🙂

  8. Julie
    February 28, 2012 | 2:17 pm

    I think you aren’t selfish, you just want to take care of your parents. When I had moved far away from my hometown, I used to get homesick many times. And after I’ve lost my father, and my mom got old, I bagged her to move to my city, because I can take care of her. And now she already loves here!

  9. Julie
    February 28, 2012 | 2:18 pm

    No, I think you aren’t selfish, you just want to take care of your parents. When I had moved far away from my hometown, I used to get homesick many times. And after I’ve lost my father, and my mom got old, I bagged her to move to my city, because I can take care of her. And now she already loves here!

  10. KalleyC
    February 28, 2012 | 3:51 pm

    No, I don’t think your being selfish for wanting your mom to live close to you. I think all parents know that kids will have to live their own lives, and eventually move away from home.

  11. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    February 28, 2012 | 5:11 pm

    You only have to live there if it’s what you want. You’d resent the situation if you did it out of guilt. You should only move if it’s what your heart craves.

  12. YUMMommy
    February 28, 2012 | 6:05 pm

    We all deserve the chance to live our own lives on our own terms. It’s great to get out and explore world. Why limit yourself by staying in your comfort zone? No, you’re not being selfish because you’ve settled down in a place that you love and it’s not close to your family.

    I think that if you want to spend more time with your parents then you all have to talk and work out more travel/visits. I think that as we get older, we realize that our time with our parents and other older loved ones is becoming more limited. Thus, we do want to spend more and more time with them and make more fond memories. However, you have to find a way to do so that doesn’t involve either of you giving up your life for the other.

  13. The Mommy Mambo
    February 28, 2012 | 8:19 pm

    I always said I’d never move back to Armpit of, Texas after I left for grad school in South Florida. Worked for a few years. Then I had twins. AND I NEEDED MY MOMMA! Guess where I live now? I knew I couldn’t pry them out of here, and I needed help.

    Since returning with kids I’ve learned that family/friends/ties trumps location any time. Just like that saying, “If a tree falls and nobody is there to hear it yadda yadda yadda…” If a place is great and your kids are great, but there’s nobody to share the joy with, is it really that great?!

    Wow that was deep and now my head hurts! LOL Good luck with that decision. Go with your heart. That can’t ever be selfish.

  14. Derek
    February 28, 2012 | 10:13 pm

    I think that is not a selfish thing to do.
    There are a lot of advantages being near with your love ones or family there are also a few disadvantages, but its good that four family and you have great relationship you must keep it close and treasure it more.

  15. Euna
    February 29, 2012 | 12:58 am

    I wouldn’t call that selfish; childish is a better term. C’mon, the ulterior motive of asking them to live near you is for you to have someone to run to when you face some trouble.

    Just my two cents.

  16. Mona
    February 29, 2012 | 2:07 am

    I think you are not selfish. You have a right to live without mom and dad. It´s your live.

  17. Barbara
    February 29, 2012 | 5:36 am

    I wonder this too since we are living an entire ocean away from my family. We all have to do what is best for all of us, and for us it is living in France for he time being.

  18. Aubrey
    February 29, 2012 | 7:40 am

    That is such a hard question and really it does just boil down to the fact that you have to do what is best for your family…which actually doesn’t include mom and dad! As much as you love them, they have their own lives, too…I wish I could see my mom every single day, but I know that even when we only lived 20 minutes away, that didn’t happen! Do what makes you happy and don’t feel selfish for it! (c:

  19. MrsTDJ
    February 29, 2012 | 9:03 am

    I don’t think you’re being selfish. As others have said, you made the choices you needed to make to get the life you desired. Is the idea of your parents moving closer a real possibility? I totally understand wanting to be close though; we are 10 minutes from my dad and 45 from my mom.

  20. Krissy
    February 29, 2012 | 2:27 pm

    i don’t think you’re being selfish at all. I don’t think its realistic tho. You just can’t have it both ways.

    Maybe because I grew up one of six and im a mama’s girl, I can’t really see myself being too far away or at least without frequent visits.

  21. Mimi
    February 29, 2012 | 11:28 pm

    I wish my dad would move closer. I don’t think you are being selfish. I mean you would have alot more to move as a young family. I am secretly hoping my dad moves closer. It hurts me that they don’t see him that much. I would love for them to have that bond, but he likes where he lives and we like where we live. If it stays that way I guess I have to meet somewhere in the middle and possibly take the children out there once a year and he come over here once a year.

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