I found out on Facebook

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Social media has become just the norm. It’s how we communicate with our friends. It’s how we stay in touch with our family. For many of us, the first thing we do in the morning is check our Facebook newsfeed. It’s just a part of us that way. Well, for me, anyway.

Recently, I was scrolling through my newsfeed and saw a status update from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. Because I hadn’t talked to her in a while the status update caught my eye. I was eager to see what was going on with her. Imagine my surprise when I read the update. It was from my friends sister. She was letting all of us know that she had passed away. Apparently my friend had passed away on Christmas Eve of 2012. I was in total shock. She wasn’t a friend that I talked to every day. We checked in with each other periodically. We asked about each others kids and just the general life stuff. Still, this hurt. We used to be neighbors back when I lived in Ohio. She’d since moved to Pennsylvania and then back home to Georgia. I, of course, ended up here in Los Angeles.

Her sister had just gained access to her Facebook page and decided to update us all. Many of us were totally in shock. Some people were upset that we’d all found out on Facebook. I admit, I found it odd. The thing is, I also recognize that had it not been for Facebook, I wouldn’t know that she was no longer here. So, I take it for what it’s worth. This is what it’s come to. We find out about life events through social media all the time. Pregnancies, marriages, new jobs, graduations and now death. I don’t think I ever saw it going here. Her family is going to keep her page and use it to update us about her kids. I will be odd to see her name and picture flash in my timeline knowing she’s gone.

Her death hit me in another way as well. I remember her being in LOVE with her children. She has two boys and they were her world. Her oldest son is 15 and the other is 6. I couldn’t help but to think about them. I thought the realness of her leaving her children behind. I thought about the realness of her two boys having to grow up, cope and get through losing their mother. It’s almost too much to take. For them, I’m sure it does feel like too much.

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14 Responses to I found out on Facebook
  1. Sherelle
    September 4, 2013 | 8:40 am

    Wow…I would have been in shock to see that type of news on FB too. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. You’re right, Facebook has become the way we get news about our family friends and loved ones; whether it’s good or bad. I’ll be in prayer.

  2. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell
    September 4, 2013 | 8:47 am

    I think it’s becoming more and more common to get life event updates through Facebook. It’s odd, but I’m not sure it’s going to change, only become even more common.

  3. Lashawn
    September 4, 2013 | 11:07 am

    I’m so sorry about your friend!
    I realized a out a year ago that this was the “in” thing when I found out about a long time friend being pregnant. On Facebook. I wasn’t amused. She didn’t see anything wrong with it! Mine and a few other of her “close friends ” were all hurt that we found out that way. But since then, it’s the thing. Birth death marriage engagements. It’s the thing. But I miss the old way. 🙂

  4. Krissy
    September 4, 2013 | 12:22 pm

    life is definitely unpredictable and way too short

  5. catherine gacad
    September 4, 2013 | 2:07 pm

    that is so sad! but i do understand the family taking control of facebook to get the message out. it’s not like they have a bunch of addresses and phone numbers to directly tell people.

  6. Tamara
    September 4, 2013 | 5:44 pm

    That is shocking. I suppose in some ways it’s easier and maybe less painful for her sister to do that, rather than track down everyone in her life. So sad.
    I’m sorry for your loss, and for the loss of those two kids.

  7. One Haute Mommi
    September 4, 2013 | 6:00 pm

    Oh wow, that is really sad. I always say Facebook is one of those things that I have a love/hate relationship with. If it wasn’t for it, like you stated, I would have been out of the loop on so many joys and unfortunate sorrows. Praying for your friends family.

  8. Joanne
    September 5, 2013 | 3:58 am

    Ugh that is awful. Of all the things to find out about on facebook…you just can’t imagine that death will really be one of them.

  9. Kita
    September 5, 2013 | 6:33 am

    So sorry to hear about your friend. I am not on FB as much these days and never get updates from anyone all I get are fan pages on my feed. I actually have to look people up to see whats going. I would hate to find out through FB though but that is the new way of the world these days.

  10. Nellie
    September 5, 2013 | 11:26 am

    Sorry to hear about your friend may she rest in peace. The same thing happened to my husband last year, he found out through fb that one of his frat brother had passed, it really shook him up.

  11. K. Elizabeth @ YUMMommy
    September 6, 2013 | 12:23 pm

    Sorry to hear about your friend. I think in this case Facebook was a good thing because clearly her family didn’t have access to contact information for all of her friends to have called or written them personally at the time of her passing. I think they did what they felt was right. And while it may seem impersonal, if they hadn’t done it some of you would have stayed in the dark and just assumed that she had just cut you off.

    I do think that we shouldn’t get dependent on Facebook and should still make the effort to notify people of major life changes (weddings, divorces, death, etc) in person, a phone call or letter.

  12. Baby Teems
    September 8, 2013 | 9:31 am

    It’s always hard to hear about a passing on FB. That happened to me earlier this year for this person that just crossed my mind. Before I could befriend them, they were gone. Sorry for your loss. It took me a while to be comfortable with announcements on FB but this is just the time we are in.

  13. KalleyC
    September 9, 2013 | 6:26 pm

    Wow, I would be in complete shock seeing that on social media. While its odd knowing about our friends lives through social media, I have to agree with you that if it wasn’t for Facebook, you really would not have known.

  14. Jenni
    September 10, 2013 | 1:23 pm

    So sorry about your friend.
    I’m not a fan of people posting big things like that on FB. I found out my nephew was bi-sexual on FB and that my husband’s grandfather died on FB.
    Your friend’s case is a little different, obviously her immediately family knew by then.However, I don’t like when things have just happened and people don’t take into consideration that all immediately family may not know yet. Everyone is in a rush to be “first” with the news!

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