When Things Change

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While talking to one of my friends at work, she mentioned a change in her relationship with her bestie. My friend is single, with no kids. Her bestie is a married mommy. *cue the drama*

via flickr

There are usually some changes when one friend has a life change like marriage and babies. Things certainly changed for me. Some of my friendships drifted apart but there were never any hard feelings. I think we all just quietly acknowledged that things had changed.

In the situation of my work buddy there were some things said that caused her feelings to be hurt.  Basically she was talking with her best friend and the  obvious life differences came up. Her friend told her that it “must be nice to sleep in and not have to get up in the morning. You can do that, you don’t have responsibilities.” I think it was the way she said it that caused my friend to feel a little rained on.

As we talked about the encounter she’d asked me if I said things like that to my friends. (I don’t think I have) She also wondered why she was being dumped on when her friend had chosen to be married and chosen to have a child. She argued that how she lives her life is no less important or meaningful just because she’s single.

Our conversation got me wondering about how we treat our single friends after we say “I do”. Do we really forget what it was like to be single? Is it fair to dump on your friends because our lives have changed so much?

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18 Responses to When Things Change
  1. Kita
    July 3, 2012 | 7:31 am

    Things do change but my single friends respect the change and my lifestyle I also respect theirs. Although I don’t talk to them as often because we don’t have anything in common anymore. Things do change rather we want to admit or not

  2. Amber
    July 3, 2012 | 8:58 am

    I try not to dump on my single friends or penalize them for being single. It’s when they don’t fully grasp what my life is really like as a wife, mom, and career woman that it can get sketchy.

  3. KalleyC
    July 3, 2012 | 9:16 am

    I try my best not to dump on my single friends, but the relationship does change. I guess what works is knowing that each person has made a decision and we all should respect one another for that.

    The grass is always greener on the other side, but you don’t know what they put on it to get it that way.

  4. Aracely
    July 3, 2012 | 10:18 am

    I try not to dump on my single friends. Our lives differ but our friendship still remains. I don’t hang out with my single friends like I did when I was single and we both respect our life choices.

  5. Jessica
    July 3, 2012 | 10:30 am

    No. It’s not fair at all. I try to remember that though I think my reality as a mom of two is hard, that doesn’t mean that my single friends can’t view their realities as equally as hard. It’s all about perceptions and our views on life are relative to where we are in life. So, when my single friends tell me they’re tired from having to go to work, I recall my experiences as a single, working lady, I sympathize because I remember feeling tired then, too. And though my new tired is a lot different, that doesn’t take away from my old feeling or their feelings, you know?

  6. Mrs. Pancakes
    July 3, 2012 | 3:09 pm

    There are definitely changes that occur between marrieds and singles..i think i can be critical without meaning to be sometimes!

    • Seth Chabat
      July 6, 2012 | 6:30 am

      I agree with you. There is really changes with this so it is better to be ready always. Before as a single you will think only yourself but when you are already married you will think not yourself only but also your husband.

  7. Optimistic Mom
    July 3, 2012 | 4:47 pm

    things do change, but those who are for you will always be for you. My BFF and I have had our distance here and there but through it all I KNOW she got my back! 😉
    If someone can’t handle the change then maybe that season is over…..move on.

  8. The Pepperrific Life
    July 3, 2012 | 6:25 pm

    Being single has its own struggles, so it’s not fair to dump on them. It’s akin to trivializing their problems.

  9. This Cookn Mom
    July 3, 2012 | 6:58 pm

    My best friend in the world is single. She gets me and I get her. We both ask each other for advice at times and respect each others lifestyles.

  10. Becca
    July 3, 2012 | 10:38 pm

    I am single and it’s true…I don’t have many married friends, and I especially don’t have many friends with kids. I think sometimes our lives just change and friendships come and go. There is never any need for either person to make rude comments! I’m sorry your co-worker was made to feel bad 🙁

  11. Barbara
    July 4, 2012 | 5:46 am

    I try not to dump on my single friends. I actually don’t have very many married friends, so I guess for me, I am glad that they don’t dump on me. We are just as supportive of each other even if our lives have “evolved”.

  12. Hannah
    July 4, 2012 | 6:33 am

    I´m a single too. I don´t have many married friends.

  13. Nellie
    July 4, 2012 | 8:33 pm

    I could see how the single lady would take it super personally. I think I might say somethings like that … However, I know it can’t be “easy” all the time when you are single. Being a wife and mom is tough sometimes, and I know I often think back to my wild and free days with long envy…I always try to find common threads with my single friends to keep the friendship alive.

  14. Alicia @Mommy Delicious
    July 5, 2012 | 11:32 am

    Things changed with my friends and me after I had Aiden. I wasn’t married, but my responsibilities were way different than theirs. I don’t recall ever saying anything like that to them, though. I’m still like the only one out of my closest friends with a child (one other girl has a child and one other is married), but I don’t think that their lives are less serious than mine in anyway. I think it’s all relative. Things have a way of filling up our time. My son and work fills up my time; their work and other things fill up their time. Things may shift when they have children, but for now, this is the way it is.

    I can see why your friend felt badly. That’s pretty condescending to say that to someone. Plus, the mommy sounds a bit bitter/resentful. Just my two cents.

  15. Natalie
    July 5, 2012 | 11:40 am

    I have several single friends still…and I just think it depends on the person. I think some people can’t handle that one is married or one is single so they quit trying. For some people the bond is strong, and it doesn’t matter if you have kids or don’t…but some bonds weren’t that strong to begin with and I think it just shows the weaknesses of the friendship or that friendship has expired. Some friends are just for a short time but that’s ok it doesn’t make the memories less important.

  16. Mark
    July 23, 2012 | 10:55 am

    Being married could be a little demanding but I don’t think we should really dump our friends after saying our vows. They’ve been my friends from the time I was single and I don’t think there should be a change in that.

  17. Anamarie Zach
    July 30, 2012 | 3:06 am

    Changes take place when one of our friends get married. In fact, she can’t be able to go with us during fun time since she is now more focus as a mom and a wife to her husband.

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